Domestic Violence

Stories and comments regarding domestic violence, resources.

Discovery Channel Interview

/ Lori / 4 Comments

I DID IT.  I had my Discovery Channel interview yesterday.  It was TWELVE HOURS LONG.  A very emotional day, and I slept until 3pm today.  But it was the best sleep I ever got, no nightmares so I’m happy.  Had a wonderful crew!  A cameraman, interviewer, and I guess some guy who would hold up the IPAD and say “LORI INTERVIEW TAKE ONE….)

Didn’t think they still did that.  They asked a LOT of questions and some things I remembered that I wish I hadn’t.  But I’m glad I did it.  It will spread awareness for International Domestic Violencce as well as conditions in the Middle East.  I’m just very happy it’s over.  Thanks for all your support and emails, they helped me more than you know!!!

Lori

Discovery Channel Documentary

/ Lori / 3 Comments

I’m finally doing it, the Discovery Channel is coming to my house to make a DOCUMENTARY about what happened to me in Iran.  I’m so scared and am urging everyone to pray for me.  The people I’ve known since blogging have been the most supportive in the world.  I can’t thank you enough for all your nice, encouraging comments as well as reviewing my book.  I will keep you up to date on when it airs and how it is going day by day.  Again thank you everyone! Lori

The beginning of my demise-Childhood sexual abuse

/ Lori / 4 Comments

At age 11 I was molested by my adoptive brother.  I was adopted into this family when I was 6 months old due to being severely abused by my biological family.  When my adopted family got me I had cigarette burns all over my body and severe bed sores on my bottom from not having my diaper changed.  The adoptive family was wonderful until about age 10-11.  That is when my brother who was 18 at the time started playing this “tickle” game.

It started out with; “you tickle my foot and then I will yours-while we were watching TV”.  Then it escalated to him coming into my bedroom and wanting me to tickle something else.  Needless to say when this started I was scared to death to be left alone with him in the house.  I can’t believe my mom didn’t know what was going on, since everytime she left me with my sisters and brother to babysit, I would scream and once banged on the screen door so hard I broke the glass in it and cut my hand all up.

I tried to tell her a few times but she “didn’t have time to talk”.  She also favored my brother, he couldn’t do NO WRONG!  When things started happening like my brother killing my pet rabbit in front of me by hitting it on the head while he hung it upside down, to stunts like asking me to hold onto the battery cables on his motorcycle when he tried to jump start it thus ending in me getting a shock, while my mother stood at the door and watched and laughed.  That is when I realized she MUST HAVE known what was going on.

I started thinking this is what is normal in a household like this, he kept justifying it because we weren’t technically blood relatives.  I knew in my mind it couldn’t be right but I had to justify it as normal until I could do something about it.

At age 15 I emancipated myself by getting married to a 23 year old to escape the house and the abuse from my brother.

Later on in life I thought I had overcome the abuse and that I was strong and could live with it, but now that I’m 46 and have had LOTS of counseling, I’ve come to realize that the abuse had set boundaries and limitations in all future relationships.  Every relationship I had after that I felt like their was ALWAYS a motivation behind sex, even when it was with someone who loved you TOTALLY.  When I met John he thought I was crazy with all my mistrust issues in our relationship.  Well technically I am crazy I have bipolar:):)

He went through therapy with me and still is, to try and get over these thoughts I have about relationships.  Alot of the events my brother put me through and not just the sexual abuse but the cruel acts he would do like kill my pet rabbit and then we would eat it for dinner left the thought of being with a man just sickening.  So I entered relationships which I endured even if they were dysfunctional.  I was married and physically abused but stayed because in my mind if a man does something bad to you, it’s only to show how much he loves you, and after all he did apologize and act affectionate afterwards.  And that craving you have for affection after being beat excuses all past behavior.

Then I married an Iranain who virtually “own” their women.  I was sold in Iran for drug debts, I had moved to Iran only to find out you need your husbands written permission to leave the country.  This is why I wrote a book, not only for a catharsis but to inform others that they are not alone in their “screwed up” thinking and possibly making them realize WHY they have that thinking.  I can’t solve anyone’s problems but I can share and hope that my story might be familiar with another persons to the point that they realize the relationship they are in or were in wasn’t normal and to get OUT.

I’ve added some resourceful links on childhood sexual abuse.  Hopefully these might provide some help and prevention signs to not only recognize abuse but prevent it as well.

I wish you all well in your journey to recovery.  Myself I will never see myself as cured, because the act was committed, but what I will see myself is as HEALING and continue to see that what happened wasn’t my fault or RIGHT!  Thank you and God Bless.

http://www.pandys.org/articles/oldersurvivorsofchildsexualassault.html

http://www.wiit.com/guided_tour.htm

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/signs.cfm

http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6035035/k.8258/Prevent_Child_Sexual_Abuse.htm

http://findatherapist.wordpress.com/2010/01/15/recognizing-child-sexual-predators-protecting-your-children/

Remembering 911

/ Lori / 4 Comments

My students- Layla is on the Right End.

 

My heart goes out to those who lost loved ones, knew those who perished, or was involved with 911.  But I guess we were ALL involved with 911, it not only affected those directly involved but it involved us as a nation.  It involved our trust issues and brought back prejudice on such a high scale that some of us aren’t even sure to this day if we should trust ANYONE from the Middle East.

My view is that you can go on trusting just do so with discretion.  And it’s too bad that it has to be like that.  My story is a little different.

I was in Iran on 9/11.  On 9/12 I was taken as a prisoner and held captive in a POW type camp in the hills of Iran.  As far as I can guess we were held as leverage in case the USA decided to retaliate against the Middle East.   People who knew or were related to Americans were put into these camp.  I was raped, beaten and tortured for six weeks.  When I arrived home in November 2001 I weighed 70 pounds, had traumatic brain injury and most of my teeth had been knocked out.

What I’m about to say is crazy, but I don’t hate Muslims or Middle Easterners.  God knows I’ve tried and people can’t understand why, I don’t understand why.  I guess there were a couple years in Iran when I first moved there that were GREAT YEARS.  Not with my Iranian husband but with girls that I taught English to.  They weren’t just students they were my friends too.  Aged 10-19, these girls trusted me, so they would ask me questions about the USA, boys and religion.  Each day after class we’d sit down and just talk and they knew what they told me or asked I wouldn’t tell their parents.  We became so close and they were the ones who helped get me through Iran while I was kept there since my husband wouldn’t give his written permission to let me leave the country.  So I really enjoyed these girls and respect what they have to endure on a daily basis.  So I guess in my mind how can I hate a country or faith that these girls and others like them are a part of.  There are FANATICS in all religions, and those are the ones we have to fear.  Layla one of my students was killed in her fathers swimming pool for not being a virgin on her wedding night. I quit teaching soon after that.

I only wish the best for the survivors of this tragedy, but in reality we are all survivors and we are here today due to our choices in life.

Thank you for listening.  God Bless all!

Desiderata (words to live by)

/ Lori / 2 Comments

If we ALL could live by these words the world would be a MUCH BETTER PLACE!!!

Desiderata

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence. As far as possible without surrender be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truth quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even the dull and ignorant; they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit. If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself.

Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your career, however humble; it is a real possession in the changing fortunes of time. Exercise caution in your business affairs; for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is; many persons strive for high ideals; and everywhere life is full of heroism.

Be yourself. Especially, do not feign affection. Neither be critical about love; for in the face of all aridity and disenchantment it is as perennial as the grass.

Take kindly the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and loneliness. Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself.

You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you conceive Him to be, and whatever your labors and aspirations, in the noisy confusion of life keep peace with your soul. With all its sham, drudgery and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world. Be careful. Strive to be happy.

© Max Ehrmann 1927