Month: September 2012

REMEMBER THIS IF YOUR BIPOLAR:)

/ Lori / 3 Comments

Please remember to TAKE YOUR MEDS!!!

I didn’t really realize how MUCH they made a difference until I was videotaped one time, and my GOD I looked and acted like a completely different person. One who was way too hyper and sensitive, and a little paranoid. I always think that I’m not good enough for anyone (especially after 911). After what was done to me, I couldn’t look people in the eye. It was so hard to believe that anyone would find anything interesting enough in me to want to be my friend. …UNLESS..they WANTED SOMETHING. It seems like being bipolar either leaves you in a total state of despair and insecurity or it gives you so much self esteem and confidence that it borders on the narcissitic mode. Sadly neither last for only a short time. I think that is why I wouldn’t take my meds, I liked those times of being so confident and arrogant and felt tlike I could conquer the world, and I would conquer a lot of things, but usually turned out bad in the end, but at the time it was happening I felt like GOD….like no one knows what I’m thinking and that I could covince someone to do anything. And usually when someone has that much confidence it produces an energy so strong that others feel it and you do end up getting away with a lot…take for example the movie “CATCH ME IF YOU CAN”. But as usual just like in the movie the Bipolar didn’t get the girl and live happily ever after, they usually get involved with the criminal justice system and is put in prison or other. Most Bipolars are HIGHLY INTELLIGENT, they theorize that this is based upon how the neurons fire into certain synapses of the brain, and the ones they touch are the ones responsible for intelligence and creative thinking. If they could only bottle the effects/affects that mania has and then only the GOOD CREATIVITY, then we would have some pretty brilliant people out there. But trust me stay on your meds and stay STABLE, CONSISTENT…well as consistent as you CAN BE. Be blessed with who is around you and willing to go through this with you.

Remember people we are geniuses so we have to stay calm to put up with the other people of this world:):):):)

Discovery Channel Documentary

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I’m finally doing it, the Discovery Channel is coming to my house to make a DOCUMENTARY about what happened to me in Iran.  I’m so scared and am urging everyone to pray for me.  The people I’ve known since blogging have been the most supportive in the world.  I can’t thank you enough for all your nice, encouraging comments as well as reviewing my book.  I will keep you up to date on when it airs and how it is going day by day.  Again thank you everyone! Lori

New Review

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This is my newest review on Amazon of my book, “Lori’s Song”.

https://www.facebook.com/#!/micki.peluso/posts/4530971075319

The beginning of my demise-Childhood sexual abuse

/ Lori / 4 Comments

At age 11 I was molested by my adoptive brother.  I was adopted into this family when I was 6 months old due to being severely abused by my biological family.  When my adopted family got me I had cigarette burns all over my body and severe bed sores on my bottom from not having my diaper changed.  The adoptive family was wonderful until about age 10-11.  That is when my brother who was 18 at the time started playing this “tickle” game.

It started out with; “you tickle my foot and then I will yours-while we were watching TV”.  Then it escalated to him coming into my bedroom and wanting me to tickle something else.  Needless to say when this started I was scared to death to be left alone with him in the house.  I can’t believe my mom didn’t know what was going on, since everytime she left me with my sisters and brother to babysit, I would scream and once banged on the screen door so hard I broke the glass in it and cut my hand all up.

I tried to tell her a few times but she “didn’t have time to talk”.  She also favored my brother, he couldn’t do NO WRONG!  When things started happening like my brother killing my pet rabbit in front of me by hitting it on the head while he hung it upside down, to stunts like asking me to hold onto the battery cables on his motorcycle when he tried to jump start it thus ending in me getting a shock, while my mother stood at the door and watched and laughed.  That is when I realized she MUST HAVE known what was going on.

I started thinking this is what is normal in a household like this, he kept justifying it because we weren’t technically blood relatives.  I knew in my mind it couldn’t be right but I had to justify it as normal until I could do something about it.

At age 15 I emancipated myself by getting married to a 23 year old to escape the house and the abuse from my brother.

Later on in life I thought I had overcome the abuse and that I was strong and could live with it, but now that I’m 46 and have had LOTS of counseling, I’ve come to realize that the abuse had set boundaries and limitations in all future relationships.  Every relationship I had after that I felt like their was ALWAYS a motivation behind sex, even when it was with someone who loved you TOTALLY.  When I met John he thought I was crazy with all my mistrust issues in our relationship.  Well technically I am crazy I have bipolar:):)

He went through therapy with me and still is, to try and get over these thoughts I have about relationships.  Alot of the events my brother put me through and not just the sexual abuse but the cruel acts he would do like kill my pet rabbit and then we would eat it for dinner left the thought of being with a man just sickening.  So I entered relationships which I endured even if they were dysfunctional.  I was married and physically abused but stayed because in my mind if a man does something bad to you, it’s only to show how much he loves you, and after all he did apologize and act affectionate afterwards.  And that craving you have for affection after being beat excuses all past behavior.

Then I married an Iranain who virtually “own” their women.  I was sold in Iran for drug debts, I had moved to Iran only to find out you need your husbands written permission to leave the country.  This is why I wrote a book, not only for a catharsis but to inform others that they are not alone in their “screwed up” thinking and possibly making them realize WHY they have that thinking.  I can’t solve anyone’s problems but I can share and hope that my story might be familiar with another persons to the point that they realize the relationship they are in or were in wasn’t normal and to get OUT.

I’ve added some resourceful links on childhood sexual abuse.  Hopefully these might provide some help and prevention signs to not only recognize abuse but prevent it as well.

I wish you all well in your journey to recovery.  Myself I will never see myself as cured, because the act was committed, but what I will see myself is as HEALING and continue to see that what happened wasn’t my fault or RIGHT!  Thank you and God Bless.

http://www.pandys.org/articles/oldersurvivorsofchildsexualassault.html

http://www.wiit.com/guided_tour.htm

http://www.childwelfare.gov/pubs/factsheets/signs.cfm

http://www.d2l.org/site/c.4dICIJOkGcISE/b.6035035/k.8258/Prevent_Child_Sexual_Abuse.htm

http://findatherapist.wordpress.com/2010/01/15/recognizing-child-sexual-predators-protecting-your-children/

A fellow Bi-polars blog

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This is another fellow bloggers on Bi-polar.  Her true stories of how she came about being diagnosed, her stories prior to knowing she was manic and her hearfelt stories now.

I strongly recommend that you view it and give her support.  Thank you.

http://moodswingsnjmadness.wordpress.com/my-life-story-get-some-popcorn/