Sometimes there are days when I get up and really have to work at staying out of bed.  It has nothing to do with recent events or any particular reasons but I’m just depressed.  I guess that is how Bipolar works.  Other days I’m so hyper that I don’t let John get a word in edgewise.  No matter where I look, LIFE IS HERE AND NOW.  I’m on medications but all I see some days are just the pessimistic views about life and how it drags us down with us.  Then I go online and see something a friend has posted to me, or a funny cat picture and I smile without even realizing my day is better than when it started.

We all take things for granted, and expect those around us to be there forever and we don’t think about losing them on a daily basis.  I usually think about that every night before I go to bed.  I think to myself, my God what would I do if I lost one of my best buddies (my cats) or if something happened to John and usually shed a tear or two at the thought.

But this keeps me appreciating and praying thankfulness for the time I do have right here and now.  I try to tell myself everyday just how lucky I am to have the life I do right now, and try not to focus on the past.  But then I will get a nightmare that brings it all back to the surface.  John usually wakes up to see me sleeping sitting up.  *we couldn’t lay down in the camp even at night so Faresh and I would put our backs together and sleep sitting up leaning on each other.  Even though that was over 11 years ago I still feel safer sleeping sitting up.  This goes to show that no matter how hard we try to get on with our lives there will always be something that “pops” up to remind us of a horrific event in the past.

It is how we deal and justify these returning memories that makes us survive another day.  When John finally wakes me up, I feel so relieved that I’m in a bed next to the man I love and no one can hurt me right now.  I think that is why I have such a feeling of ‘greatfulness’ to God like I’ve never had before.   It just goes to prove that sometimes we are tested, no matter who we are, but the test is alot less stressful than the event was.  And it gives us pause to realize that all of that mourning isn’t going to waste, it is reminding us how GREAT life is NOW!  No matter what your belief system is you can’t deny the affect that God has on us.  I’m not what they refer to as a “BIBLE THUMPER” but I have a strong faith in God, and I know he was with me at that camp, as well as he is here with me now.  When I was in that camp and the night before we were going to escape, I felt someone touch my shoulder, I jerked around to see if it was a soldier and no one was there, then I heard a voice say, “Lori your going home”, and I looked all around to see if someone was mocking me and everyone was either trying to close their eyes but none were looking our way.  And I HAD NO IDEA WE WERE GOING TO ESCAPE THE NEXT NIGHT.

Whenever I feel doubt or someone into evolution tries to sway me to a LOGICAL STANDPOINT, I just tell them, we might have evolved, we might have experienced everything that the scientist say, but still SOMEONE HAD TO BE THE INITAL CREATOR FOR ANY OF THAT TO HAPPEN in the first place.  I can’t believe they don’t get it. 

Anyway I just wanted to share my thoughts for the day,  and make some of you realize that sometimes if I don’t reply positively it doesn’t mean I’m mad or sick of people, I’m just in the midst of realizing that you have two choices in life, to exist in it or live it, and I choose to LIVE IT.  GOD BLESS YOU ALL in your endeavors and remember you will be tested, and no matter what our test is it is far less than what Jesus did for our lives that we are living NOW!  :):)