Here and there…no matter where you look LIFE is NOW!

Sometimes there are days when I get up and really have to work at staying out of bed.  It has nothing to do with recent events or any particular reasons but I’m just depressed.  I guess that is how Bipolar works.  Other days I’m so hyper that I don’t let John get a word in edgewise.  No matter where I look, LIFE IS HERE AND NOW.  I’m on medications but all I see some days are just the pessimistic views about life and how it drags us down with us.  Then I go online and see something a friend has posted to me, or a funny cat picture and I smile without even realizing my day is better than when it started.

We all take things for granted, and expect those around us to be there forever and we don’t think about losing them on a daily basis.  I usually think about that every night before I go to bed.  I think to myself, my God what would I do if I lost one of my best buddies (my cats) or if something happened to John and usually shed a tear or two at the thought.

But this keeps me appreciating and praying thankfulness for the time I do have right here and now.  I try to tell myself everyday just how lucky I am to have the life I do right now, and try not to focus on the past.  But then I will get a nightmare that brings it all back to the surface.  John usually wakes up to see me sleeping sitting up.  *we couldn’t lay down in the camp even at night so Faresh and I would put our backs together and sleep sitting up leaning on each other.  Even though that was over 11 years ago I still feel safer sleeping sitting up.  This goes to show that no matter how hard we try to get on with our lives there will always be something that “pops” up to remind us of a horrific event in the past.

It is how we deal and justify these returning memories that makes us survive another day.  When John finally wakes me up, I feel so relieved that I’m in a bed next to the man I love and no one can hurt me right now.  I think that is why I have such a feeling of ‘greatfulness’ to God like I’ve never had before.   It just goes to prove that sometimes we are tested, no matter who we are, but the test is alot less stressful than the event was.  And it gives us pause to realize that all of that mourning isn’t going to waste, it is reminding us how GREAT life is NOW!  No matter what your belief system is you can’t deny the affect that God has on us.  I’m not what they refer to as a “BIBLE THUMPER” but I have a strong faith in God, and I know he was with me at that camp, as well as he is here with me now.  When I was in that camp and the night before we were going to escape, I felt someone touch my shoulder, I jerked around to see if it was a soldier and no one was there, then I heard a voice say, “Lori your going home”, and I looked all around to see if someone was mocking me and everyone was either trying to close their eyes but none were looking our way.  And I HAD NO IDEA WE WERE GOING TO ESCAPE THE NEXT NIGHT.

Whenever I feel doubt or someone into evolution tries to sway me to a LOGICAL STANDPOINT, I just tell them, we might have evolved, we might have experienced everything that the scientist say, but still SOMEONE HAD TO BE THE INITAL CREATOR FOR ANY OF THAT TO HAPPEN in the first place.  I can’t believe they don’t get it. 

Anyway I just wanted to share my thoughts for the day,  and make some of you realize that sometimes if I don’t reply positively it doesn’t mean I’m mad or sick of people, I’m just in the midst of realizing that you have two choices in life, to exist in it or live it, and I choose to LIVE IT.  GOD BLESS YOU ALL in your endeavors and remember you will be tested, and no matter what our test is it is far less than what Jesus did for our lives that we are living NOW!  :):)

My new interview with Pastor Justin Steckbauer!

Interview with Lori Foroozandeh on Being Held Prisoner in Iran

An Incredible Interview About Personal Strength and the Power of God in Times of Struggle

Justin Steckbauer

Justin Steckbauer, Yahoo! Contributor Network Jan 31, 2013 “Share your voice on Yahoo! websites. Start Here.”
I was working on my business Facebook account when I was approached by an author by the name of Lori Foroozandeh with some questions about publishing and marketing. What developed was a conversation that blew me away. She told me she had written a book about being held hostage in the country of Iran by a man she met in college. I asked her if she’d do an interview on my blog. Here is that interview. Give us a quick introduction on yourself and your book. My name is Lori Foroozandeh and the book is “Lori’s Song” it is my true life story of childhood sexual abuse, substance abuse, PTSD, and living with bipolar. This all culminated with moving to Iran with my Iranian husband who turned out to be a terrorist and I didn’t know it. Once I got there the real horror began.Give us a little history on the events leading up to your move to Iran. I was in an accident in 1992, I was introduced to Vicodin then. Gradually I went from that to Morphine, Demerol, and then I met Mohammad while I was attending Northern Michigan University for nursing. He also was addicted to Vicodin but he also liked to sniff Ritalin, I was far from a saint and did my share of recreational drugs, but toghether Mohammad and I escalated to doing hard drugs such as heroin and crack. Eventually I was caught writing false prescriptions and that is when Mohammad suggested we move to Iran to start over. He was a DEA snitch so he was able to get me out of jail on bond then we took off for Iran. Mohammad had a LOT of money and at the time I had no idea he was shipping cars to Iran with weapons in them. He ran a car dealership and this is what he did. He was also a terrorist who would kill Iranian war vets for the govt. so they wouldn’t have to deal with the disabled veterans

You mentioned abuse while you were a child. Do you think that lead into drug use? I’m sure it did. When my adoptive family got me at 6 months old, I had a LOT of cigarette burns and rashes all over from not getting bathed or my diaper changed. Then when I was 10 -11 yrs. old my adoptive brother started molesting me. I emancipated myself from my family at age 15 to get married and get away from my brother.

Then you started attending Northern Michigan University? How did you meet Mohammad?  He was visiting his children from a previous marriage. Beth (his ex-wife) and I were friends before I met him, and she told me she had to go into the witness protection program to get away from her ex husband because she was afraid she would end up dead or her kids taken away. But when I met Mohammad I thought Beth must have been crazy. Mohammad found Beth because he was close to the police department (in every county due to being a snitch) and they got the information for him. I was living in family housing at the University.

Tell us about your move to Iran. I had a 13 yr. old son (Doug) when I left, and I had asked him if he wanted to go with us or stay with his dad back in the USA. He chose staying with his dad. (In hindsight I’m so GLAD HE DID). We went to NY first and Mohammad had some secret dealings with his (COUSIN) he received a LARGE sum of money and then we took a plane to Iran. When I arrived I couldn’t speak Farsi (the persian language) and his family accepted me and were kind. They even held the traditional sacrifical lamb event, and I had to step over when welcomed to their home. I was an animal lover and this bothered me. I had to keep my head and body covered with a chadora or a roose a ree which was a scarf. The chadora was a big black wrap around piece of cloth. Paradoxically though I loved Iran, I taught English to girls aged 10-21 in a school called Zabanoomazan Language Institute. I loved my students and the feeling was reciprocated. I loved the fact that no one knew my past and loved me for who I was, that was until Mohammad started beating me.

Was the culture in Iran very different from the United States? The culture in Iran is so different. First thing I learned when we arrived at the airport and they took my passport, was that I needed my husbands written permission to leave the country. Mohammad had lied to me and told me how much more Iran was modernized now. When we got into a a nice limo like car at the airport the first thing I saw was a building that said “DEATH TO AMRIKA” then I saw women who were being slapped in the face for walking too close to their husbands.

They hang women quite regularly for sins like adultery. But a man only needs two people to back his story to get his wife killed. I think they don’t want to divorce her so they kill her. I saw them hang them with contruction cranes, and they want the children to watch too. They consider “compassion” as letting the womans mother walk her to the noose and spend five minutes with her. They consider Friday their day of rest and only have that day off work. All the shops shut down in the day from 2-4 for lunch and nap time. After dinner the men go smoke opium together.
Tell us about the events leading up to your being taken hostage. I had heard rumors from Mohammad and other women that something was going to happen on 911 (they picked that date because it correlated with our signal for distress). We didn’t know what or where just that something was going to happen. I tried to call home on the 9th,10th and the morning of the 11th, and the operator said no international calls being placed at that time.
Mohammad said we had to leave the country in case something happened and the USA retaliated ( i still didn’t know what they would retaliate for) we went to the Shiraz bus station and were going to catch a bus to Istanbul then a plane to America. About ten minutes or less two convoy cattle type trucks pulled up and took me one way and Mohammad another (that was literally the last time I saw Mohammad. I was blindfolded and taken to this camp in the hills. There was a L shaped cement building which we were led thru to the outdoor camp where we were handcuffed to one other person for the entire time. We were beaten, raped and starved for six weeks, the girl I was handcuffed to was Faresh she was from Bahrain, she told me that anyone who was American or who had ties to America were being picked up. She was a younger girl and when the guards saw that after they took one of us girls to rape us we would communicate sympathy to one another when they came back by facial expressions. This angered them so they started publicly raping us because then we were too embarrassed to look each other in the eye then. Fareshes parents and brother had to watch her get puclicly raped, and eventually her brother worked something out with the guard (I have no idea what but they were from a rich family) and one night we were finally going home. I told you what happened the night before we left. When we got out of the camp there were two men waiting to help us get back to Shiraz where I went to Ostandary (a place for foreigners in trouble) there is no embassy in Iran so they flew me to Dubai and then home.
When I got home I weighed 70 pounds, my teeth were knocked out, and I had suffered traumatic brain injury. But once I got home I didn’t care anymore started doing drugs again, stripping, and you name it I did it. Then I met John my true knight in shining armor. He sold his John Deere dealership to stay home and take care of me. I got clean in 2008 and have been ever since. I was diagnosed with bipolar in 2005 and am on meds that help tremendously. Is that it? I’m sorry still emotional after 12 years you’d think I would be less emotional but I’m not. I have a few more questions, but we can postpone. Oh OK go ahead we might as well wrap this up.You mentioned when we were talking earlier that you heard the voice of God just before you escaped. What was that like? When I felt the tap on my shoulder I turned around thinking someone was coming to take me away and beat or rape me again, but no one was there, then I heard a low clear voice tell me “Lori your going home” and I just felt warm and content for one moment. But I had no idea we were going home and the next night we were on our way.

So you got back and things didn’t go well at first like you said. Then you decided to write a book about the things that happened. Why? I kept being told that I should write a book about it, that it’s cathartic, it would take my mind off other things, yeah right I thought. So I sat down and started typing and for three months didn’t stop. I never have read my book from cover to cover because I’m scared to, but I let John proof read it for me chapter by chapter then I submitted it to a literary agent who edited the grammar and spelling. Then I self publbished. I really don’t know if it has helped me by writing it, but others tell me it has helped them (which is great). Everytime someone contacts me to speak or do a signing or something else, I have to embrace the whole book again and the nightmares come back and the flashbacks. Luckily my seizures have been few and far between though.

I love the title. How did you come up with it? A movie a long time ago called Brian’s Song it had James Caan I think in it, it was about a football player who got cancer and his struggles with life. I just loved that movie so it was after that.

Is there a message in the book you want to get across to readers? Yes you can overcome anything if you try. Don’t fall into a pattern like I did when I first got back from Iran, just focusing on all the pathetic things that have happened to you, that is the easy way out. Rise above that and be wise and break away from the crowd by turning your tragedy into a lesson learned and help to others when they are down on their luck. Portions of my book sales go to Amnesty International, The humane society, my drug addiction hospital and Henry Ford Hospital which has treated me since 2005. Thank you Justin for allowing me to tell my story, your a good man and on the right path to being a pastor.
When we first started talking you mentioned being interviewed on the Discovery Channel. What was that like? Was there any political or media response to what happened to you? The Discovery Channel (Fit and Health) did a mini documentary on me regarding my story. Even though a few facts were minimized if not wrong, they overall did a good job. I haven’t heard that there were ANY RESPONSES from that interview. Which I think is weird. I’m the third story in a series of three. This was aired on Dec. 27th 2012. The interview was nerve testing for sure.
Thank you so much for the interview. Your story is truly inspiring. What’s your life like now? I’m very happy now with the love of my life. I wish everyone well and never give up in the face of adversity. We have two choices in life to LIVE it or EXIST in it, I choose to LIVE it, and I hope you do too. I also have a blog that list all the links to stories or interviews regarding my book on the right of the page. www.lorissong.com

Interview with Jackie Anton

Lori’s Song by Lori Foroozandeh.  My interview with Jackie Anton.  A wonderful blogger who chose to interview authors and bloggers.  Please visit her site often to see the latest reviews.

Hellllloooo 2013!

 

Hi all,

I hope everyone feels refreshed and ready to start the New Year.  Nows the time to forget all those past mistakes and habits and time to get new ones.

You can never take back what you’ve said or done but what you can do is change your life so you never repeat those mistakes again.  I’m bipolar and it took me most of my life before I was diagnosed.  (That was in 2006), thanks to my hubby John.

He never gave up on me once he met me.  He met me while I was a stripper and going thru a hard time in life with drugs and not caring. (After I returned from IRAN).  I’m not excusing my behavior but at the time I didn’t care what I did, I never tried to hurt anyone but I was destroying myself.  My friend Jenni knew this guy named “John”, and he would come into the bar and talk to her.  I know this sounds excusing but John had been married 26 years in a basically feelingless marriage.  It was at the point they didn’t talk to each other they didn’t sleep together, but they had a wonderful son and didn’t want to ruin his life….or view of.   I met John on September 24th, 2005, by June 2006, he had filed for divorce and I was living with him.  But that did not come easy by any means.

The first time I met him was “brief” to say the least but there was something about that first kiss that just made me sit there and say “WOW” to myself….of course I couldn’t let him know I was interested, by doing that would be breaking all the rules.  I had been hurt deeply, not once or twice but four times.  Now after Mohammad I thought I would never love again, ever.  So everytime John came over I would turn off the lights and make him “THINK” I wasn’t home.  But he knew better, he had become more familiar with my actions than I ever thought one could in such a short time.   He would stand outside and knock and knock and yell, “Lori I know your in there”……and after about 15 minutes I’d finally answer the door.  I had to get ready and make sure I looked perfect (well as perfect as I could get myself) before I’d answer the door.  That would involve hair, makeup and clothing.

You also have to know at the time, I wore a hair extension (clip in) and lots of make-up and was stripping, so I didn’t look half bad.

If you go to the bottom of my website you can see what I mean about looking much better back then.   www.loris-song.com

John finally talked me into getting rid of the hairpiece and going au natural.  He said he would love me no matter what I looked like because I had a good heart, and was a good person, but I apparently just didn’t know this about me at the time.

Anyway he stuck it out with me, got me through rehab, got me treated for bipolar and went through all the flashbacks and seizures I had due to my brain trauma suffered in the camp.    He also went through a couple suicide attempts I made, of which one included drinking bleach.  He sold his business to stay home and take care of me, because he knew I was going through that time which a nervous breakdown was occuring, because I was just realizing and internalizing what happened to me in the camp.   For the longest time I tried to shrug it off, buck up and be strong.  I didn’t want anyone pitying me.  But I guess finally meeting someone who showed such caring and affection to me after all I put him through made me realize it was ok and safe to be sad over what happened to me.    I thank GOD for him everyday of my life.  And since I’ve met him I don’t want to end my life anymore either:)

He really is my KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR!  And if I had to go through all this again just to meet him, I WOULD!  I love you John.

With that I will say I only wish the best for all of you in 2013.  I am going to try to be happier, and less bitchy.  What some people don’t understand about BIPOLAR is that it’s a MOOD DISORDER not a mental illness.  We can not control our ups and downs and the medication just decreases the severity of it and the occurences.  I have learned that there will never be a day that I wake up HAPPY, I have to work at it.  Alot of you don’t understand this, but I think BIPOLAR people are born mad, sad and skeptical.  Any other emotion we must work for, especially if it is a GOOD ONE:)

I will try to make 2013 better than last year, and if I don’t interact on the blogs with you as much as I should, it’s because BIPOLAR people are by nature NOT SOCIABLE.  When someone comes to our door, we do a low roll over to the edge of the window and hope were hidden and when that person leaves we wipe our head (whew) and congratulate ourselves for getting thru that close call.

Most people go for walks and look at people to interact with, we look at the ground.  It’s not that we don’t want to interact, I think more that it’s we DON”T KNOW HOW, we are socially born AWKWARD at socializing.   But anyway…if you want to know more about BIPOLAR and it’s jokes on how we live (that may give you a better idea on us) this link might help with it’s cute cartoons.

https://www.facebook.com/TryingToMakeSenseOfThisBipolarMind

And here is a post I recently did that might help you understand:)

https://www.facebook.com/TryingToMakeSenseOfThisBipolarMind#!/TryingToMakeSenseOfThisBipolarMind/posts/464970476900217?notif_t=like

In a synopsis, I wish you well, I wish you love, I wish you greatness, but in the absence of any of this, just know I will always be your friend….Lori F. 1-2013

Link to my Discovery Channel Interview

I have updated information that was kind of disappointing to me.  I will be on Discovery Fit & Health on 12-27 @ 10PM  I’m on with two other people (this I didn’t know about) I’m the last line of the description where it says “a knight in shining armor turns out to be a girls nightmare”

Here is the link.

http://health.discovery.com/tv-schedules/daily.html?date=20121227.362

I have to start somewhere I guess to get this vital information out there regarding international domestic violence, and visiting foreign countries .

I hope you all watch it and share the link.   Thanks, Lori